Is Spanking Still Relevant? Millennial Parents Speak Out

During a recent holiday party, I witnessed something I hadn’t expected — a parent spanking their child. As someone who identifies with the Gen Z–Millennial crossover, witnessing this moment left me shocked. Spanking? Still? I couldn’t believe it was still a common disciplinary action. Intrigued and a little unsettled, I turned to Reddit to see if others had similar experiences, and the threads I found were eye-opening.

It turns out that while spanking isn’t as widespread as it was decades ago, it still exists. Maybe not as severe as past generations endured, but it’s clear that its effects linger, both on children and on parents who were spanked themselves. On the flip side, many parents have embraced new techniques, breaking generational cycles.

This article dives into what spanking is, its relevance today, its long-term effects, and how modern parents are forging new paths.

What Is Spanking?

Spanking, by definition, involves striking a child, typically on the buttocks, with an open hand or object, to discipline or punish. For decades, spanking was normalized as a quick, effective way to stop bad behavior. It was seen as a necessary part of “tough love,” and for many older generations, it wasn’t questioned.

But research and changing societal values have shown corporal punishment can do more harm than good. Today, it’s a hotly debated topic among millennial parents. While some still believe in its effectiveness as a last resort, others argue it perpetuates cycles of violence and doesn’t teach the kind of emotional regulation children need.

How Relevant Is Spanking For Millennials?

While millennials are often recognized for their progressive and inclusive parenting styles, spanking hasn’t been entirely left in the past. A Reddit thread I explored reveals the complex realities parents face when deciding whether or not to spank.

One user Shared:

This perspective sheds light on how spanking, while often frowned upon, can still feel like the only solution in extreme situations. It highlights a sentiment shared by many parents who feel they’ve exhausted all other options.

This makes it clear that parents usually don’t spank out of malice or anger but rather as a deliberate and calculated choice. However, in my opinion, the reliance on spanking—even as a last option—is definitely not ideal.

While it may produce immediate results, it risks perpetuating harmful cycles of discipline. Spanking might address the behavior in the moment, but it doesn’t necessarily teach the child the why behind their actions or provide tools for better decision-making in the future.

It’s worth asking whether other strategies, given more time, patience, or creativity, could have worked just as effectively without resorting to physical discipline. After all, isn’t the goal of parenting to guide children toward understanding and growth rather than compliance out of fear?

But Why Do Parents Resort To Spanking?

This leads to a broader question: Why do parents, especially in the present day, still turn to spanking? Don’t they feel for their children? What makes spanking seem acceptable—or even necessary—despite the growing evidence of its harms?

The answer lies in generational cycles. For many millennial parents, their own childhood experiences heavily influence their stance on spanking. They carry the lessons, norms, and disciplinary methods they were exposed to growing up, often without consciously realizing it.

As one user put it:

This thread highlights how deeply rooted spanking is in generational traditions. It wasn’t just about discipline—it was a cultural norm, passed down unquestioningly. For many, this cycle normalizes physical punishment as a default response to disobedience or defiance.

The Lingering Effects Of Spanking

Leaving behind is spanking effective, know that it has a myriad of serious potential impact. These effects which might change parents’ viewpoint about it from a discipline technique to a harmful practice.

1. Spanking Leaves Lasting Emotional Scars

Parents often believe that young children won’t remember being spanked, but this isn’t the case for many. Emotional scars linger far longer than the physical ones

One Reddit user pointedly wrote something like this to which another comment followed with a haunting response: “The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.”

This encapsulates the emotional impact corporal punishment leaves on children, even if parents justify their actions as necessary or harmless. These experiences don’t fade—they shape how children view authority, trust, and discipline.

Not just this, spanking can also deeply influence future decisions, particularly how individuals view parenting itself. For some, the memories of being spanked as a child leave such a profound impact that they decide to forgo parenthood altogether. They fear unintentionally repeating the patterns of their own upbringing, even if they strongly oppose those practices.

One Reddit user shared:

This highlights a sobering reality: for some, the trauma of physical discipline shapes life-altering decisions, like choosing to remain child-free. It robs individuals of the opportunity to create a family and experience the magical moments of parenthood—watching a child’s first steps, sharing laughter, and building meaningful memories.

2. Spanking Shapes Behavior

Interestingly, spanking can teach unintended lessons, such as fear, dishonesty, or rebellion. 

A Redditor commented:

This raises an important question: Does corporal punishment correct behavior or just teach children to hide it better? Fear-based discipline can create a disconnect between parent and child, undermining trust and communication.

3. Spanking Creates Trauma and Nightmares

The emotional impact of spanking can extend far beyond childhood, creating lasting trauma that manifests in unexpected ways, such as recurring nightmares.

One Reddit user shared their deeply personal experience:

This account reveals how physical punishment, while normalized in some cultures or families, can deeply scar individuals and affect how they perceive safety, trust, and authority figures. These feelings often resurface in adulthood, manifesting as fear, anxiety, or hypervigilance when faced with similar situations.

Other Effects Of Spanking

While the emotional and psychological effects of spanking are well-documented, its impact on a child’s physical and cognitive development cannot be overlooked. Here are some key other effects:

1. Spanking Harms the Brain: Studies show that corporal punishment activates the same brain regions as severe physical abuse, leading to long-term changes in brain development and function. This can affect emotional regulation and stress response.
2. Slows Cognitive Development: Research indicates that children who are spanked tend to perform worse academically, as spanking is associated with delays in language development and problem-solving skills.
3. Erodes Self-Esteem: Spanking can make children feel unworthy, ashamed, or fearful, leading to difficulties in building confidence or forming healthy relationships later in life.
4. Reinforces Aggression as a Conflict Resolution Tool: Children often mimic parental behaviors. Spanking teaches that physical aggression is an acceptable way to resolve disputes, potentially leading to more aggressive behavior in social interactions.

How Millennial Parents Are Shifting to Other Discipline Techniques

Thankfully, many millennial parents are rejecting spanking and exploring healthier alternatives. They recognize that discipline doesn’t have to hurt—physically or emotionally. Popular strategies of gentle discipline include:

1. Open Communication: Talking to children about their feelings and behavior to promote understanding.
2. Positive Reinforcement: Rewarding good behavior to encourage repetition.
3. Time-Outs: Giving children space to calm down and reflect on their actions.
4. Logical Consequences: Tying discipline to the behavior (e.g., cleaning up a mess they made).

One Reddit user shared a creative alternative:

Another parent chimed in with a playful method:

These examples show how discipline can be firm yet fun, preserving trust while teaching important lessons.

Breaking The Cycle: How Parents Are Redefining Discipline

Parents today are actively working to break the cycle of physical punishment. From the traditional, authoritarian methods of the past, such as spanking, hitting with belts, and more, they are now embracing positive practices.

Modern parents are rejecting the punitive mindset, recognizing that disciplining with love and understanding leads to better long-term outcomes for children. They don’t want their children to experience the pain and fear that physical punishment often induces. They are determined to foster an environment where their kids feel safe, valued, and heard.

As one Redditor put it:

This sentiment reflects the growing awareness about the effects of abusive behavior from previous generations. Many parents have realized the need to unlearn harmful patterns of discipline. 

Such stories speak volumes about the lasting effects of physical punishment, and the powerful decision to take a stand against it. Rather than passing down the pain they experienced as children, these parents have chosen to embrace more mindful approaches to parenting. Their determination to avoid repeating generational trauma showcases a significant shift in how discipline is viewed and applied in modern parenting.

Final Thoughts

In my opinion, corporal punishment has deeply tragic consequences that extend far beyond the moment of discipline. It leaves lasting emotional scars that can shape a child’s future and even affect their decisions about parenthood later in life. This cycle underscores how vital it is for parents to critically evaluate their disciplinary choices. By avoiding practices like spanking and prioritizing healthier, more empathetic methods, parents can help ensure their children don’t carry forward feelings of fear, resentment, or inadequacy. Instead, they can foster an environment where their children feel safe, loved, and respected.